Monday, August 17, 2009

My Book (first two pages)

Life is a tangled web with twists and turns every which way. What happens, the people we meet, the connections we make throughout this life aren’t controllable. There is a certain mystery behind everything that happens. I found this out in the oddest of ways; in the most uncontrollable circumstances.

At seventeen going on eighteen lives tends to revolve around school and friends but no in my world. My family has this way of making it the center of my life no matter what happens. It’s rather large so that might be part of the problem. My father has been in love only twice in his whole life. His first love didn’t pack her bags and leave him all alone, no, she just died, and that was it. She was gone; forever in my father’s memories but forever off this earth. She is the unspoken in my family; the untouchable subject. As I said my dad’s been in love twice but here’s the catch he’s technically the father of ten, including me, many of which are around triple my age. None of my nine siblings actually have the same mother as me actually none of us have the same mom. Now I’ve probably put so horrible picture in your mind of some man whore or something but that can’t be any further from the truth. My father’s a wonderful person who didn’t go around sleeping with tons of women regardless to what you were thinking. He’s a doner and if you don’t know what that is looking it up I’m not explaining that on paper. I would say maybe two of my half siblings are actually mistakes and not from the doner thing. I, on the other hand, am the only real thing; the only one who my father has raised, I am the last of his children. Though my father’s first love wasn’t around long enough to bare him a child, my mom, his second love was…. and well her I am. My father’s only true kid. A tall slightly athletic brunette and almost the exact living replica of my father’s first love. Strange how life’s tangled web works isn’t it.

I’ve met every one of my half brother and sisters at some point in my life. I’ve got a picture of all of us together as the huge family that we are and an individual one of everyone that I, personal life to keep updated. It strange having so many siblings but having none who live with me. But heck life is too stronger for words to begin with anyways.

Even with so many people in the family my parents don’t really seem to notice much. At times Janie, my mother seems life she gets frustrated with it; life if she were my dad she would never have fathered so many children. And really it is my dad’s fault that our lives become so complicated at times. He chose to keep in touch with the women he donated to; he’s the kind of person needs to keep track of anything that’s connected to him especially when the connection goes as deep as these ones; its genetic, it’s in the blood.

We are all scattered throughout the globe all over the world but my father has forever been the center piece of this family tree; he created it all. Our city is a marked point on every one of my family member’s map. Each and every one of us has marked and memorized it. This city holds us all together bring our pieces together one by one. So when the thing is the city that makes the cit so important to our family is gone, the pieces start to fall off little by little. When my father the thing that made the city mark worthy died the web of life the seemed so tightly woven unraveled and our family pieces fell; starting with Janie (my mom).

He died in his sleep, peacefully but at the same ting it was the worst way he could have possibly died. Imagine being my mom and waking up to find your husband dead beside you, laying there as if he was a sleep but clearly no alive. When that happened something in my mom’s brain switched off, she just shut down. I hear the scream, then nothing. I found her kneeling on the floor starting right out the window clearly out of it and ever since then she hasn’t returned. Janie’s still a working human but at the same time she’s lifeless. I could commit a murder and be sent to jail and Janie wouldn’t change. Yes I would be gone but that wouldn’t register with her, just like dad being dead hasn’t come to her either. The doctor tells me when she saw my dad dead something in her just snapped. He told me, “You know how grenades have those strings out pull in order from them to be exploded. Your mom Lacey is like that, her string was pulled and now we’re going to have to wit for her to explode. We are just going to have to wait.”

When she did explode I was the first to know. He’d been dead for about a month. I’d went through all the usual grief stages and family other than m mom helped me with that (seeing as she was highly incapable). It was just a tad past a on the since the death so we had the house to ourselves; well to myself and it happened. She just screamed and screamed cursing everything, throwing stuff everywhere. And I just stood back and watched with tears rolling down my face. My mother was feeling things again and that was good but a complete and utter disaster in the end. She had shut down last time but this time she want emotionally crazy and that’s when I realized I needed a new plan because living with Janie was never going to work out. Mother or not I was so out; I wouldn’t be able to help her after I’ve tried too many times. She needed space and time… mostly time.

The last week of summer I knew I couldn’t take it anymore; I was going to flunk out of my last year in high school when it started if I stayed in the this house or anywhere near Janie. I needed some place different to live, a job, things to take my mind off of the past two months. Janie was a living rollercoaster of emotion crying one second, happy as ever the next and beyond angry to finish. Some days she slept all day and others she could stay awake for days. I had not cure, I was at lost for what to do. Time and space was all that I thought to give her. She needs to pull it together, fix what ever is making her explosions to keep coming. Maybe the doctor was wrong, maybe she isn’t just one grenade but many and they have only just begun to get their strings pulled out. I might take years or it could be a simple solution right around the corner but I was leaving her to do it her self. Not in a selfish way if she had needed me to help her get better she wouldn’t still be like this. None of this was my fault.

‘Lizabeth and William live on the other side of the city. They share a rather large apartment that is more like a loft then an apartment. They are only siblings I have that have made a connection deeper then a hello at reunions. Their mothers were different but somehow they connected. As they got older they made it part of their lives to see each other, of all my siblings these are the only ones I actually know. So they were the first I went to in hopes of finding somewhere to stay but still staying near by Janie just in case. I didn’t want the remove myself from Janie’s life completely; there was still a chance that she might need me.

Sunday, April 26, 2009



There are many things that will b r e a k it

lies, drama, cheating, rumors, and more

But when you have something like friendship with someone

you don’t want to let it go

Your friends become a constant in your life

and when they leave, when your bond of friendship is broken

it shakes the very ground you walk on.

Their absence in like a :hole: in a wall.

That :hole: is obviously there

and you can patch+ it all you want

but there is will always be a mark in the end.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Found this picture and had to show it

I would like to make a point first that no the picture is not really.... but if you want it to be it can.
How do we know that Pokemon was just some games designers fantasy, how do we know they aren't really real?
So think about that......

think about it

Think about this:

Just like it takes a special person
to bite into a bruised apple and admit that
the apple wasn't the best but was totally worth the risk
I takes someone really great to
look past a bruised person
and see all the potential there

Looking For Alaska (a book)

Ok I've been reading looking for alaska by John Green (btw thanks for the book Chloe it was amazing) and it brought up a lot of crap that I'd thought about in the past but was told by my dad (who is the religious type) to throw it away and don’t thing about it. The guy the book is about has to take a class kinda like religious theory and this is part of a parable that they read. Here it is:

" ‘I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and them I am going to torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God.’ ”

I’m not much for religion and all that after life stuffs and that sorta thing; honesty I gave up trying to figuring it out a long time ago but this book has got a few pretty dang good things to look into. I’m not going to talk about my point of view on religion cuz frankly I don’t want to offend anyone but what I do have to say is read that book please. There are some parts that might shock you, just skip them if they are to detailed for you; but that book is deep really deep. It goes it some stuff about death but that is not all it is about. Just read it…ok!

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Dictionary

Ok here is something I realized when I was writing my speech for school:

The dictionary is where we go to find the meaning of words and for the most part it does a really excellent job. But there is one word that is lacking in its definitions. Friendship “the state of being friends; an attachment between friends; friendly feeling or attitude.” That’s it that is all the dictionary gives us.

Well I would like to thank the dictionary for its infinite wisdom in the past. But this time I’m kinda pissed. That is not a definition its well nothing no insight on the words hidden meaning nothing, zip, nada that’s what the dictionary has given me. Well thanks dictionary but I guess this time I’m going to have to make my own definition, which by the way is going to take some time, thanks.